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    April, 2007

    颤抖。

    很几天晚上在六楼。
    非常平静。
    只要待在一旁就有安定的感觉。禁欲,我是这样想的,受教了。
     
    看了天,看了画,看了墙壁上的影子叠在一起,看了碎玻璃,看了一些表情,看了关掉的灯,看了半自动的水池。
    听了流眼泪的音乐,听了声音,听了同一层影影绰绰的脚步和动作。
    感觉了手,感觉了头发,感觉了冰冷的地板,感觉了硌人的台阶,感觉了死掉的机器。
     
    我又一次买错了茶,没有味道。
     
    这几天我超出了一个人应当存在的范围。而我不后悔,我愿意抓住每一个这样的机会。
    如果有惩罚,如果有罪,我愿一力承担。
    不惜代价。
    因为感觉就是我自己,感觉真的很好。
    一般意义上,我很开心。
    虽然是没有过去没有未来的感觉,虽然是知道会惨痛失去的感觉,虽然确定不是我的感觉。
     
    但,如此美好,让我无法放开。
    我不是超越人的存在。但我在远离人应有的存在。
    这是多么令人着迷的探险,破开一层层的障,我将死在最后的风景之前,永远看不到,失去所有。
    我将凭自己走到最接近的那里。
     
     
     
     

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